A Question of Self Worth

So I haven't blogged in about a week or so, almost two. I've been doing a lot of thinking and really feel that my long term goal is to become a homemaker. I wish it was as easy as it is for some of you, but somehow I don't know if it will really work out for me. I'm starting to doubt my relationship with my beau and don't feel as though he sees us together for the long haul. We've spoken of and joked about marriage and I surely wish I could be with him "forever", but I'm really not sure our long term goals will mesh well. I really appreciate all of the information that Donna has given me about how to go about working it into my everyday life but it has seem to put my relationship to a hault and I just can't have that. I really feel that with all of the horrible abusive realtionships that I have been in, it's quite a wonderful change to not be in one that gets physical.

I understand that Donna believes that my guy will not mind if I slowly pack away some of HIS things to make a little room for OUR things, but I tried it and he feels as though I am taking over and attacking him. Those were his words. We tried having a go at a conversation for me to let him know what I want in the long run and I asked him to just speak with Donna's husband to see how he liked it, and he quickly replied that he was not him and he didn't want to be compared, which is not what I was doing in the first place. I don't want to have to choose my future or my man because frankly, not too many men are that understanding about working all day and coming home to have to support their wife that they feel, "sits around all day watching tv" which I tried to explain was not true. All I've been trying to do is make our home nice so he doesn't have to worry about it but all I am doing to him is moving HIS stuff around. I wasn't even ready to have the discussion with him anyway, but he was and it ruined all hope for me to prepare and explain to him what I want for our future and he just seems to think that a housewife or homemaker has to have children to be able to stay home with no job. Why do I have to give up my dream of what I want because he doesn't understand what I am trying to say?

I don't know how to go about fixing this situation, because quite frankly, I don't want to have to think that because what I want is not what he wants and that I shouldn't be with him because of it. That's stupid. My whole life I've run away from guys who have physically, sexually, emotionally, verbally, and economically abused me and now I am with someone who does none of these things and I only think it because he wants me to keep a job? I am so brainwashed by the recession, society, how my mother was as a wife, and how someone else perceives her in my life. Why is it so hard to make my own decision and why can't my boyfriend understand what I am trying to explain to him?

Why the hell am I so trapped? I don't know what to do. For all I know my long term goal may change in a few months and if I leave my boyfriend because of it, I know he will not take me back. Why am I questioning how much he really loves me because I want to move a few things around? Why does he care if I want to move a few things around? Why wouldn't he want me to do all of the work around the house, especially when I want to? Why can't I have the life I want? I'm pushing 30 but I'm not there yet and I've already had more relationship experience than most. I really think that because of it, my head is so clouded that I just don't know what I want or what is right anymore.

What would you do?